Somehow, despite trying so hard, my IQ never changes.... =/

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My Last Post as an NSF...

(A Real Life Extract from http://sometimesifart.blogspot.com/2...st-as-nsf.html, one of my fellow ex-colleagues in SAF Ammunition Command [SAFAC])

It's 3 45am. I can't sleep. it's 18 Jan 2008. Look up at the top of the page.
Joy to the world.
I'm going to ORD. ROD to be exact.

Anyway, the past few days there had been many flashbacks of my NS days.

On the fine Jaunary morning of 2006,
the 20th 10am,
the Sun was shining, but it never was this gloomy.
I had my farewell dinner with my friends,
the previous night before.
Didn't know what was coming,
wasn't really prepared.
Took my bag and swing it behind my back.
At pasir ris interchange boarding the bus,
straight towards Tekong Ferry Terminal.
With my good friends, no family nobody else.
I sighed.

Bloody Pengiun Express,
took forever to reach the Island.
I was separated from my friends,
ushered into the back of the hall.
Told to scream and shout like a man,
to assure the parents (audience) i'm a grown man.
But my heart felt otherwise.
Entering the theater, i wasn't allowed,
to smile and to wave.
The solemn expressions of my coursemates however,
was hilarious.
We clapped at the appointed time, we took the oath.
Now we are bind to the country and land,
with our lives.
I wondered.

Loyalty to country was the first on the core values,
care for soldiers the last.
Oh how realistic, and the irony that it is even there.
I had a good lunch with my friends for the last time,
waved, smiled and goodbyed them.
They left, walking towards the terminal.
My heart yearns to follow them,
but the sgt pulled and restrain me.
And gave a good whack on our heads.
I teared.

Panic came next,
we were all rushed to collect,
our bloody boots, bags and various items.
It was chaotic, incredible scary,
but strangely fun.
Never in my life,
i heard so many vulgar words,
yelled in a single sentence.
(Self-censor the following please)
Chee bye, chao recruit,
**** your mother good bye,
I sighed again.

In the bunk I was waiting.
looking at my new found room mates.
staring , unbelievably.
Why a 40year-old man was sitting across,
only to find out he was my age.
I stared.

Down we went to shave our heads,
as the hair lands on the ground,
so did our spirit.
On the hair-missing head,
i rubbed.

Ordered to keep our home clothes,
put on the grey shirt,
black shorts,
Wondering if i'm in jail.
Or hell.
Only to realise, it's both.
I prayed.

Fang Quan the smart, Hafiz the buddy
Qing Long the dragon, Andrew the fit,
Kahlid the silent, Jia Jun the handsome,
Alan the fat, Loysius the sad-case,
Ron the monkey, manyiu fellow prayer.
I smiled.

Swinging our arms,
never coordinating,
we were screwed over and over.
Down to the cookhouse,
into the medical centre,
towards the various places,
I marched.

Betrayed by another guy,
the sgt questioned him why he laughed,
he pointed at me,
saying i made a joke.
Gary the sgt asked me to repeat,
or I had to suffer the consquences.
He made me sing.
I sang.

Life was hell much easier,
after I won him over,
with phantom of the Opera.
Never knew choir was of use.
I grinned.

"Who am I?"
Sgt Gary shouted.
"YOU ARE SGT, SGT"I replied.
"Who are you?"
"I am Chao Recruit!"
He smiled.
I pumped.

Cleaning the Rifle,
Going for Route March,
Into the Outfields,
Setting up my bloody Bahsha,
wondering if my sgt will steal my gun,
and if i should ever run.
Into the gym, onto the track,
I ran.

Camo ourselves,
prepare for war,
go touch that tree.
wanted to call,
but no battery.
eating junk food,
getting fat,
sweeping, cleaning never ends.
I yawned.

Something i must share,
Alan stinks.Real bad,
9 metres his aura,
everyone choked.
We saw him showered only twice,
in the whole BMT course.
First thing i did when i book out,
purchased medical oil.
Whenever I saw him.
I applied.

Before I got my Alvl results,
I fell into depression.
If I were to fail my exams,
at least let me die outside,
with dignity.
I didn't.

Posted out of BMT,
we threw our sgts into the air,
and the bloody PC,
was way too heavy.
Sgt Gary was thrown on to the ground,
he landed with a THUD.
Knock it down he said,
may it be the last.
I pushed.

Failed my MDC audition,
i was lost, didn't know what to do,
I thought I did very well,
but was posted to SAFAC,
as a storeman,
to guard Ammunition.
Looking at my eczema,
i knew i was in trouble.
I knew.

On the 2nd day of course,
i went to report sick with my fellow,
eczemarians, Alvin and loyisus.
the doctor looked at them,
told me to go back,
"not serious enough"
I pouted.

finish the course,
mostly by cheating.
They were openly helping us,
because nobody really needs to know,
Ammo to keep them.
I was posted to Glouchester camp with Brendan.
First saw Julian, Lingo and Cheng.
Alex, Alvin and Eric
Louis and Shiqiang.
I laughed.

Opening up the office,
doing duty, cleaning cups,
filing, typing and stoning.
The fun never ends.
It was heaven,
when there were so many breaks,
long hours of lunch.
I really had fun.
But my skin was sensitive to the,
incredible amount of dust.
Neither did Julian's hands,
his mum gave me a bottle of lotion.
i was touched.
My skin grew worse and so did my eyes,
they were red and in pain all the time,
i reported sick until people told me,
my officers were angry.
Maj Adrian especially,
did not let me have my day-off,
when i did all my duties and was entitled.
I was afraid, thus i reduced the number of reporting sick.
I requested for post-out many times,
the officers knew.
they send me Victor, claiming that he was my understudy,
but in the end, he knew more than me.
I couldnt take the stress,
the pain was overwhelming.
i went to National Eye Centre,
and the doctors told me i had glaucoma.
I guess that was the steriod eye drops,
given to cope with the dust in the office,
mind you, it's hell lot of dust in the office.
Stepping in and out of the room even made a difference.
The Branch was moving, so off with the documents
We spoilt 3 shredding machines,
trying to clear the office.
Dust was everywhere, and everybody knew.
But no, i was not excused.
I whined.

Sent for counselling,
Mr Keith was my consellor.
He made me laugh, joked around with me,
and told me to go back work.
after all, what's the point?
We cant win the system.
If you have a penis, you serve.
I told him my deepest secret,
trusting him completely.
that my family was bankrupt,
my father in debt and about loan sharks,
about my teacher threatening in school,
about my friends betraying me,
about my hopes and dreams, ambitions
and everything
He nodded, listened.
I trusted.

In December, I woke up.
Blind. Couldnt see clearly at all,
i went to my eye doctor.
He panicked, telling me that my eye pressure
was dangerously high.
Every hour was significant.
He wrote a letter to the office,
asking them to excuse me from work.
It's an emergency case,
I was so scared. I told Mr Keith.
He quitted the very same day,
made me sign papers to stop counselling,
telling me he will contact me to help me with it,
but i never heard him ever again.
I crumbled.

on Valentine's day,
I was lying on the operation table.
In physcial pain you can't imagine.
Wondering what I did wrong,
how it happened.
The doctors tried to save the better eye,
and move on to the 2nd eye 3 weeks later.
It was excruitating, to be awake,
knowing ur eyeballs are being poked.
Not brave enough to scream,
too scared to jerk and fighting all ur natural instinct,
And in all these pain i could only manage,
I gasped.

I went back to work in May.
But I kept bumping, falling down.
Tripping on everything,
bleeding and cutting myself,
the laughters of others,
the stares of strangers,
the pain of my heart and body,
i had enough.
I question my doctor,
and he told me the truth.
That I will be forever,
visually handicapped.
my world collapsed.
I cried.

At night, i wake my hand violently,
in front of my face,
hoping to see something
hoping the image will form
it never did and never will,
i was afraid of my eye pressure increasing,
i crawled to the toilet, afraid to fall down,
couldn't see.
couldn't tell my parents i was afraid,
couldn't believe this was happening.
Loyalty to country,
the price is too high.
I despaired.

I was sent to the IMH,
i couldnt control my tears.
Why was this happening?
Where did it go wrong?
What did I do?
why me?
Questions that didn't matter,
answers that never answered them.
I am alone, always will be.
It's one thing to lose ur sight at birth,
another in childhoold,
the worst just before stepping into adulthood.
Whatever's gonna happen to my family now?
Who will support them?
Am I to sell Tissue? Beg?
Let's be realistic.
Who will employ me?
What about my future?
My dreams, my hopes, my ambition.
Who will love me?
I weeped.

i was in SAVH,
Singapore Association for the visually handicapped.
the white cane pressed into my hands,
it's a slash in my heart.
Knowing that the jeffrey in my memories,
the one who loved his choir,
the one who really want to write a book
the one who loves to draw, sketched peiying's portrait,
the one who was MJ's first soloist, Mj's first gold
the one who had great times with his friends,
the one who was in chinese orchestra playing YangQin,
the one who wanted to read fantasy books of Mercedes Lackey,
the one who had a black belt in karate
the one whom a girl had written a special note to,
the one who made it into industrial design, 30 ppl out of 500
the one who had crushes in school but never had the courage,
the one who wanted to be a broadway singer,
the one who wants to repay his parents, make them happy,
the one who sacrificed all he was worth for his choir,
the one who didn't let anyone else know.
the one who was bullied in school.
the one who believed in life
I died.


In spite of everything,
I knew what I had to do.
I must get what belongs to me,
I cannot stop because of this handicap.
when i fall down, I have to eventually get up.
Lying down there, it's not going to help my suitation.
I need help in my future life,
and since SAF owes me,
i shall make an injury report,
Of course, my officers didn't want me to,
for fear of trouble,
but it is a fact they neglected me,
the MO filing my specialists letters and ask me to go back,
Did I not ask for a post-out? There were 3
Did I not tell them that I am very sensitive to dust? I did.
Be it let it be known to the Media, on the newspaper.
Bringing it to the Court.
I shall be compensated.
To the people who caused it.
I hated.

I celebrated my 21st birthday,
with the real reason as to see my friends once more.
I don't know when my sight will finally give in,
with my 15% of vision field left,
I invited all I could.
I was really touched when 50 of my friends sang me
"Happy Birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to jeffrey,
happy birthday to you."
It meant alot to me.
21st birthday.
huh, i'm really getting old.
thank you my friends,
for letting me see you once more.
I smile and cried.

Now, with the last hour before I go and collect my IC.
I am ending my National Service life with this long post.
No more free medical service,
no more shelter, no more pretense.
I am thrown out in the real world now.
How I am to survive in the challenging world.
The report will take months, even years.
I shall do what's necessary.
But what lies ahead, nobody knows.
I have to be ready.
Looking back at my 21 years,
I grew.






I sighed.
I wondered.
I teared.
I sighed again.
I stared.
I rubbed.
I smiled.
I marched.
I sang.
I grinned.
I pumped.
I ran.
I yawned.
I applied.
I didn't.
I pushed.
I knew.
I pouted.
I laughed.
I whined
I ;aughed.
I crumbled.
I gasped.
I cried.
I despaired.
I weeped.
I died.
I hated.
I smiled and cried.
I grew.

Have you?

TELL ME! IS THE SAF BAD? OR AM I TALKING CRAP?

Utterly Useless Army

I really don't know what's happening to me nowadays...
Just becoming so brash, temperamental... "angsty"...

... a word which I would never have used to describe myself just a few months back...

=/

I'm like snapping at everybody I know... being down, angry and moody if things don't go my way....

My usage of vulgarities seem to have risen by leaps and bounds also...

All thanks to NS.

I've always wanted to have someone who is an NS freak come and challenge me why I think that NS is useless, then trash him on the backside - upside down with basic, logical, rational thinking.

now... why do I think that NS is useless?

1) I think that its just a way the government wants us to repay our "debt" to the country. Like, "Thanks for accepting our gift of education all the way till polytechnic, now likewise, please repay us by wasting 2 years of your life in the army".

2) It is a waste of human work-days. For an economist, this is a dreadful waste of human resources. Especially with the rapid decline in population and the need to hire more foreign talent. Why foreign talent?
Because they can get their degree at 22 years old, while the average Singaporean male gets theirs at 25+. A lack of experience, coupled with overly-regimented training causes Singaporean males to be highly undesirable in a creative, flexible work environment.

3) It is NOT a defense, as much as it is a deterrence. Oh please, you expect Malaysia's army, Indonesia's army and Philippines army to be stronger then Singapore's? JEEZ. wake up man.
The moment Malaysia attacks Singapore, Indonesia will demand their share as well. Then there'll be endless wars for the "conquering" of Singapore.
Deter? Hell yeah. The army advertisements are so "frightening" that their enemies might as well piss in their pants and die.

gosh? You really think so?

Like what China said to their enemy, "Don't bother trying to defend against our (nationalist) army. The people in our land only needs to piss in the rivers and your entire nation will be drowned in piss."

The only deterrence we have is that the US, Australia, China, India and Europe have GOOD diplomatic/economic relation with us.

Oh, and I'm sick of people telling me, "We cannot trust foreigners, see what the British did in World War 2? They left us alone to fend for ourselves! We are the only ones who can defend our country!"
... seriously, are you xenophobic or something?
Don't forget that the British were fighting WWII as well! Its a WORLD WAR. And if you think that Singapore can stand against THE country who is conquering like half the world, like hell you should reconsider your options.
The most you can do is "resist" a bit before they come crashing down on you and tear your citizens to shreds.

If its a localize war, the US would be pretty much more then happy to lend us their planes to show off to the world their aerial, naval and whatever combat skills like how they have been doing so the past decades.
China would want a part in the entire "protection" thingy too, afterall, having the Malaysian sultanate ruling Singapore has never been good for their economic relations!

4) The Army is WASTE of tax payer's money.
COMPLETE waste. Especially on the food part. Seriously, I think I know why the army refuses to let people bring in their camera phones - they don't want evidence of how sucky the food is to be released to the publications (like STomp). .
of course i'm kidding.
but seriously, SFI charges $5.30 to the SAF for a meal that consists. Read.

- greenish scrambled eggs (wtf?) quantity amounting to half a soup spoonful
- ONE fish nugget.
YOUR BREAKFAST.
TA-DAH!!

KNNBCCB. I think I pay 50 cents downstairs my house and they give me that I'll most likely give the waiter a tight slap across the face lah, not to mention $5.30.

Food aside, the SAF pays a meagre $400 to thousands of army personnels throughout the island, barely enough to pay for 1 breakfast, 1 dinner and transport allowance (for those who are must book out everyday.)
$400? With $100 on transport? $300 left?
Don't make me puke lah.

...

Actually I'm quite sick and tired of commenting on the army.
It seems that my angst and dissent seem to arise from all from the army nowadays.

and I'm not the only who resents this utter waste of time and money. and of course, our youth.

Whoever says that the greatest way to serve your country is to lay down your life for it is the stupidest fool.
Now get THIS straight.
THE GREATEST WAY TO SERVE YOUR COUNTRY IS TO MAKE OTHER COUNTRIES LAY DOWN THEIR LIFE FOR YOURS.

You think that's impossible?
Look at the North-South Korean war.
Look at Iraq and Iran.
Look at Japan.
Look at Taiwan.
Look at TIBET. (particularly effective example)

Seriously, the war of the worlds is not in the hands of small "Jiao Sai" like us. Its in ICBMs and Nuclear power harbored in the nations of the 6-super powers.


CRAP!!!!


stupid propoganda.
STUPID STUPID propoganda.

as though you could ever convince any rational thinking individual to actually believe your crap.

dumb.

I'm going out.

I'm going to try my best to spend what's left of my weekend. BECAUSE THE SAF EATS UP MY LIFE.
I'M FORCED to serve - when I could have serve my country in better, more effective ways.
I'M FORCED to do things I don't want to do - when I could have serve my country in better, more enjoyable ways.
I'M FORCED to conform to regimentation - when there wasn't even a need for it in the first place.

War?
What war?

Piss off.
Don't come and tell me that there is impending war.

If there is, we're all doomed already.
If there isn't, it proves my point that Singapore is paranoid to the point of inefficiency.



I dare you challenge my opinions.


and oh. If there are any of you SAF dogs looking at my blog to shut it down, please. go ahead.

you've taken my life.
you've taken my time.
you've taken my money.

and of course, it'll be utterly unreasonable to shut it down unless you're scared to come forward and challenge the thinking of the vast, voiceless majority.

18 months of Hell

and so the countdown to prison life begins...
well, I guess you cannot get the best things in life all the time huh... sigh....

For those who havn't noticed my moodiness and gloomy, lucky you then, most likely I've not moaned till your ears rot over my plight...

And for those who did notice (and most probably severely affected as well, like my dear), its because I'm being sent to jail.

yes. jail.

JAIL.

ta-dah.

ok. I'm exaggerating... after all, which jail in the world, save Mas Selamat International Jail would allow people to book out on weekends.

I'm being sentenced to 18 months in UAF.
UAF.
The big hype over the BIG ammunition base that was splashed all over CNA, Mediacorp, Straits Times, Today, New Paper etc. etc.

UAF = Underground Ammunition Facility.
UAF = U are Fucked.
UAF = Jail.

That means, for the REST of my army life, I would be in a STAY-IN vocation. Five days a week, I will crawl underground and not see the sun.
I'd most likely die of vitamin D deficiency or some hilarious form of scabes.

All thanks to my big mouth who wanted to be Pes A.

Fuck.

My life inside there is going to be pretty hellish, not only because it is extremely stressful inside (thanks to the high influx of shit coming in), it is far, far, FAR away from civilization - by which I mean no forest, no jungle, no spiders, no insects, NO MONKEYS!!!

but the 2 greatest fears that I have for going inside there is that
1) I can only meet my dear once a week. That means my priorities would have to be drastically shifted. My weekend schedules would have to be replaced. I've already greatly lowered my involvement in the band already, and I think with this placement, I may have to completely stop going altogether.

2) Boredom. Yes. I'm not joking. Boredom.
There is no gym.
There are no computers
There are no games.
Oh. Like wow-wee. Have you ever heard a kid telling his pops, "Hey dad! I wanna go to the Underground Ammunition Facility! I heard its so fun!".
- The answer is no.

There is NOTHING to do there at all.

You stare at the gray wall, the gray wall stares back.
When you ever get nights off (meaning you get to stay out for the evening [6:00] then book back to camp at 2230hrs), you have to travel TWO hours to get home, and TWO hours to get back to camp.
who the hell would want to do that? I go home - spend half an hour doing my stuff, then rush out of the house to head back to camp again.

Oh great. Uselessness in it's purest form.

You CANNOT bring any electronic equipment there, because they're paranoid that HUGE magnetic pulses which blasts from your unsuspecting Nintendo DS could cause sub-atomic bombs to explode.
Picture this : "Go Pikachu I choose you!", "Pikachu use shockwave!"
(suddenly you hear a rumble in the distance, then the screams of people dying - you wave it off)
"Pikachu use thunderbolt!"
(followed by detonations and more people screaming in agony).
(you say, "wow! Nintendo really did a great job creating this thing!")
(the next thing you know, you're dead).

TA-DAH.

ridiculous.

You can't bring consoles inside because the SAF is frightened that you'll steal top secret documents. (if thats the case, why don't you just post me to some harmless vocation like music and drama society).

You can't bring MP3 players inside because the SAF is a stickler for rules. (surprised?). By saying "stickler for rules" i mean -

Sergeant : "Private Andrew. Show me your MP3 player"
Me : (takes out my harmless iPod nano)
Sergeant : "Are any of your songs pirated?"
Me : "No Sargent, none -"
Sergeant : "DON'T LIE TO ME PRIVATE! ARE THERE ANY PIRATED SONGS IN YOUR PLAYER?"
Me : (squirms) "One or two... But -"
Sergeant : "HOW DARE YOU BLATANTLY FLOUT THE SINGAPORE LAW?"
Me : "but everybody -"
Sergeant : "YOU DON'T TELL ME EVERYBODY! INSIDE HERE, YOU FOLLOW THE LAW! IS THAT CLEAR?!"
Me : "Yes Sergeant!"
Sergeant : "YOU WILL SIGN FIFTY EXTRAS, YOU WILL HAVE NO NIGHTS OFF AND YOU WILL JUMP UP AND DOWN THIS SPOT TEN THOUSAND TIMES! IS THAT IN ANYWAY UNCLEAR?"
Me : (starts jumping up and down) "Yes Sergeant".

you see? yes. They're paranoid. welcome to the army.




sigh...
and to top it all off, I won't be able to blog when I'm inside that godforsaken place.

I'm not even sure if I can bring my handphone charger along.



WHY ON EARTH DID I OP TO GO TO PES A WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN A PES C ALL ALONG?
fucking blind ambition that is.
stupid. dream. of. being. an. officer.


all my other colleagues are being posted to vocations which require them to fill up forms on computers under the air con, and being able to book out at 5 o'clock everyday.

At about 5 o'clock, in UAF, people would most likely be.... let me guess, staring at the wall wondering what to do for the rest of the evening.
Fucking hell. I can't even go out and study. By the time I reach my school, the lecturer would be nicely wrapping up his lessons. And by the time I copied my notes and reach back to the godforsaken camp, I would be getting ready to sign extras for coming back late.

There is NO transport in, there is NO transport out. I'd have to waste cab fare to go out too.

I am so anticipating this.

I am so anticipating this.

I am so anticipating this.

I am so going to die of boredom inside there...

If I could congratulate myself, since the start of NS, I've cleared through more then FORTY books from my favorite authors, some repeatedly, all deliberately read as SLOW as possible so that I will not finish my books in a flash.

*vomits*

seriously. why did God post me to this GODFORSAKEN place?

why.

why.

why am I going to buried 40 feet underground?













Well. My only glimmer of hope to get out of that place is in the irreversible thing I did just a few days ago.
With a bit of luck, (maybe... just maybe God would help me too), and good people, I may be able to see the light of day again.

Anywayz. about that "irreversible" thing, I will not retract back that action. And nobody will convince me otherwise.

Its not something... bad, per se. but definately not something good as well...

..... but its definitely able to proof how desperate I am to get out of that place.




I really thing I will go insane inside there.

If 3 months in BMT is able to drive me to depression in Tekong, 18 months in Mandai will drive me insane and suicidal...

















........ *cries* .........

Your Dating Style: Casual Dating

You are all about taking things as they come, you may just date someone once or it could turn into a life long thing. You just enjoy the mystery of it all.

'What is your dating style?' at QuizGalaxy.com

a deadly decision

ulps.

i think i just did an extremely dangerous and irreversible thing.

despite how much I've thought through the entire dire consequences on my actions, it provides me a way out of the darkness ahead.

i may just have done the most havoc action of my entire life...

... sigh...

i just really hope i did the right thing.

no.. what am i talking about... it's NOT the right thing.... it just the practical thing..

... sigh...

i can't retract back the decision(s) and the clocks are already set in motion.

if it succeeds, I win beyond my wildest imagination.

if it doesn't, I may have doomed myself a bit.

arrgh...


.... sigh...

alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin alvin.....





i hope that whatever i did, you know i did it for you...
*sobz*

it has been such a damm long time since I last blogged... its almost like... my blog is closing down..

zzz.. i think alot of people also think so...

=/

I hate army.

I hate NS.

I hate SAF.

I'm so busy I don't have time to do anything that I like, or anything that I want.
and when I have nothing to do in camp, I CAN'T do anything.

what crap.

CRAP.

fuck.